Love Actually

It is with horror that I find myself drawn to write a post on Valentine’s. About love. It’s especially curious because I’ve been trying to  complete my holiday posts and it’s been difficult finding the right words and everything I write doesn’t feel good enough to be posted.  And yet here I am with sentences rushing through my mind begging to be let out. So here goes. But be warned, this post is more rambling than anything specific so bear with me.

Never is an emotion revered, vilified, ignored, ranted at and blamed as love is during this time. The ones in love can’t gush enough about it. The heartbroken are asking why, the cynics are dressing it in sarcasm. Love is everywhere.

Most of us, especially girls, got our idea of romantic love from the Cinderella and Snow White books that we read at a very early age. We would suffer, then our prince would come rescue us, and then we’d live happily ever after. As teenagers this notion was reinforced by the Mills and Boon books we sneaked into our rooms, filling our young impressionable minds with fantasies of tall dark handsome men who will come sweep us off our feet. This mindset usually set us up for our first heartbreak. Of course nothing works out as the books had suggested. Some of us become quickly disillusioned while others continue to hold on to the idea that he was just the wrong one. The real prince will come. Years later, we get on with the business of living and the dreams we once held about happy ever after are forgotten.

But there’s something I’ve noticed about my age group as far as love, especially romantic love,  is concerned. We don’t like admitting it’s a big part of us. When in a relationship, we try hard not to appear too in love. When we break up, we pretend it didn’t matter. Tuck it in out of sight. No one likes to see love’s disappointments  . Better go get drunk. We seem to be a generation scared of our feelings. My apprehension at writing this post shows how much we avoid expressing or talking about love. Don’t wear your heart on your sleeves, it’s unseemly

What am I on about? I guess I’m just lamenting the loss of love. These days people love in bits, always with an exit plan. We’re disillusioned and cynical. And afraid. That’s why the men walking with flowers today are behaving like they’re committing a capital offense. Yet I know of someone who married her first love, years after they broke up and lost contact. 2 people in fact. Then there’s also the couple that dated for 10 yrs. There were so many obstacles in their way, it always looked like they will never end up together but finally got married. Stuff that romantic books are made of.

So maybe there’s still hope for us. Maybe love actually does exist.

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  • ndinda  On February 14, 2012 at 8:20 am

    We are afraid of expressing ourselves, mostly because we might end up disappointed. Or maybe the past has shaped us into these beings that would rather say ‘I heart you’ than ‘I love you.’ We have also waged so much war against this attraction between two people. Maybe we should not call it love, because then it becomes a monster, and monsters scare people off. Maybe we should break it down to how much you enjoy his company and all those little things that we believe sum up to ‘Love’.

    I believe though that everyone is just looking out for themselves, and, even though a wrong move, we would rather not try than try and be disappointed. Sometimes, you are the only person you can trust, you know.

  • Shekyn  On February 14, 2012 at 9:22 am

    Lovely post Binti. Loving someone else in the way that it should be done is a brave thing. My argument is that we have not even learnt how to love ourselves yet we want to give our love to others. I did a post about it, feel free to peep.

  • Urbane Kenyan™ (@UrbaneKenyan)  On February 14, 2012 at 9:40 am

    Lovely and factual post. Most folk treat relationships like risk ventures… With Disaster recovery and Business Continuity plans ready…exit plans. For me, the beauty in relationships is a friendship foundation and giving it your all; owning what you commit to through all you face. You can as well add me to the list of your friends; I met a girl in 2002, 10 years ago. Dated long enough (7 yrs), parted ways but I found her for one simple reason; we can’t surprise each other with more bullshit than we have before.

    • bintimswahili  On February 14, 2012 at 9:49 am

      Your story is lovely Zack. Wishing you the very best in the future.

  • Lyndah  On February 14, 2012 at 4:41 pm

    Love is for the strong-hearted as opposed to how its considered to be for mushy people.Most people cnt handle it n we end up making ourselves believe th@ we dont believe in love..No one wants to be vulnerable and th@s why our generation hs no ‘true love’..

  • Ghafla!Guy  On February 16, 2012 at 1:10 pm

    Ummm.. I wouldn’t be caught dead walking with flowers.. that is how far away from love that us brothers have distanced ourselves.

  • aboutkenyahub (@majca)  On April 8, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    i guess people have just realized that its much easier to protect your heart from pain than to endure a heartache-hence the lack of emotions that go with love

  • Christiano Kwena  On April 20, 2012 at 5:25 am

    If love is nonsense, the people are dying all for nonsense. If it is the cure, then people are dying for lack of a cure. I have seen ulcers come because the ego tries to define and control love. Something spiritual cannot be material. Love will not mask the troubles you have with yourself. It will not change the way your Ego thinks about it. What love will do, is wipe out the aspect of being alone and loneliness. If you open your eyes to love, you will become one with love and you Ego will take a rest. Your heart and body will align to a single intention, and acting will feel blissful. If you let Ego define love, you will gain a moment of ecstasy. Only a moment. If you strip yourself naked, and still see love, then you are on the right path.

  • joy  On April 23, 2012 at 7:57 pm

    i am sure that every one wishes or hopes that one day,they will be in love just to understand how it feels.and though many in love never be in understand most of their actions,they are happy to have it.we have to understand though that love is fragile and we are not always its best caretaker,we just marvel through it and do the best we can and hope this fragile thing survives against all odds.

  • Empire of Epiphany  On May 4, 2012 at 3:10 am

    I can’t comment on all your posts so let me insert one here. Wallahi I’m in love with your writing/blog. E v e r y s i n g l e post intrigues me (and I put emphasis on that) you are blessed by this talent Mash’Allah. Keep it up! I’m so happy I’m now a reader :-)Truly look up to you!

  • AH  On March 11, 2013 at 9:42 am

    I don’t know what to say. I think I’m more of the cynic type. I really don’t believe that love is for me because I’m too selfish and the idea of sharing my life with somebody, and making sacrifices/compromises for somebody is not for me. Which is why I’m glad to be single at the time being. My mom always says there’s a swahili saying that goes like whoever doesn’t give you kunde aku-punguziya shoozi (can’t remember the saying, sorry). She uses it whenever someone doesn’t invite her somewhere. I use it to enjoy my single status.

  • brown  On June 21, 2013 at 1:35 pm

    Love is amazing and a gift from God.Check books on love tales and more at that are awesome.

  • lweyajoe  On April 17, 2014 at 10:13 am

    post on point.

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