Yesterday I was thinking about my friends, trying to think of what I would write them and I realized I don’t really have a best friend. I have different sets of friends. They’re all special in different ways and they all mean so much to me. SO I’m going to deviate a bit from the challenge and write a letter to each. Enjoy
To My Partner In Crime,
I remember the evening of the worst day of my life. I was seated on your bed, rocking back and forth, sobbing out the bitter tears. Life had brought me to my knees and I was despondent. I try not to remember the details of that day; but I can never forget the red-hot pain that wrapped me like hell’s blanket. You held me and tried to comfort me. Tried to say some soothing words. I would calm down a bit then start all over again. During one of my calm moments, I remember looking up at you and I saw the pain I was feeling mirrored in your eyes, and I realized that you felt every inch of what I felt. I could also see the helplessness because all you could do was stand there and watch me.
That is the kind of friend you have been to me. My pain has been yours and my joy has brought smiles to you. There’s that quote about a good friend bailing you out of jail and a great friend sitting next to you. Not only are you the friend I would be sitting in jail with, but you’d also be trying to find ways to get the bail money!
For the last 6 years I can’t think of any significant occurrence in my life that you weren’t a part of. We met under the most bizarre circumstances; by normal standards we weren’t supposed to be friends. But you gave me a chance, even though I had hurt you, albeit unknowingly. That’s the kind of person you are. You have a big open heart. Sometimes too big and you let the wrong people in.
You have been my rock during the most important years of my life; my journey into what I am. You have provided me with a shoulder, laughter, a safe haven, and so much more. I’m afraid that I haven’t always been there for you the same way. I know I can be self-absorbed sometimes, but I hope I have enriched your life half as much as you enriched mine.
I’m worried about you though.
I’m worried that you don’t see yourself the way I do. You don’t see the amazing person you are. A generous spirit. I think you let other people define you for too long. You saw yourself through their jaundiced eyes. See, it was necessary for them to shrink you. Otherwise you would have seen right through their cracking facades. And you wouldn’t give them a day of your time. So they made you believe that you are not worthy of more than the lousy morsels of life they threw at you. And after a while you didn’t see that you deserve so much better. I know you’ve come a long way since then, but I still see that you haven’t allowed yourself to grow. You still hide behind the shell they left behind.
It’s time my dear. It’s time for you to release the sunshine inside you, time for the world to bask in you. I know you got so much to offer. It’s time to release the butterfly bursting to come out.
I imagine us old together, calling each other at 2am to say something that just couldn’t wait till morning. I see myself coming to your house when I need to get away from the bustles of life. Planning our rugby escapades- ok maybe not rugby at that age! I pray that our friendship is yet to see it’s best days.
I love you.