Monthly Archives: December 2010

I see…

Tribute to my Late Grandmother- Madam

 

I see blood,

And rivers of wasted tears

The sun’s blinding rays, on these soulless eyes

I see her last breath,

As they lay her to rest

Unformed words, caught in the winter gale

I see the spirit

Of her former self

A sigh of relief, the chains have been released

I see the past,

A smoky mist fading in the west

Bleeding feet, rocky paths, thorny leaves

I see the road, a worn out path

Ghosts of my ancestors, plodding through

I see a blinding smile,

Her face at peace, embracing her demise

I see dreams, floating around

Wrapped in hope’s rainbow ribbons

I see victory, the scent of the rain

Cleansing through my deepest fears

I see me,

My head held high

Swaying to the earth’s song

I hear her whisper

Awake my child,

It’s the beginning of a new dawn

The Monster Within

Have you ever reached a point where you just want to tear off your clothes, your hair; run around the city naked screaming your head off?  You feel like if you can just stop your brain from thinking or your heart from beating you’re going to be ok. For just a few moments you want to be a shell of a person, zombified in your lack of coherent thought. Just a moment of oblivious bliss to allow you to take a deep breath as you internalize the latest quake in your world that is threatening to drive you to the edge.

For the past 2 years, life has dealt me blow after blow and every time I find myself down, I somehow find a way, a piece of me somehow untouched by all the pain and I pick myself and try again. But every time I lose something, every time my will gets a beating, a light dims. And then it reaches a point that you feel that you can’t try again, you can’t survive and this time you have been driven too far.

Because I was one of those overly emotional people when I was younger, I now HATE showing emotion. I don’t like appearing to be affected by anything, so I have learned, (not yet perfected) the art of being seemingly untouched. I have created a box where I put all nastiness and it is constantly under lock and key. The problem with this is that I’ve done such a good job of burying shit that I can’t gain access to me. Sometimes I feel there’s a thick fog between me and my emotions.

What is the point of all this? Last month sucked monkey balls.

Packing up/Suitcase of Deceit

Stood there with your half-smile.

Sitting on the bed, packing your bags.

Looking at me with those cool eyes,

A shirt here, a sock there.

Leaning your fine frame against the door,

Tied in with the pieces of my life

One foot already through the next open door

I pack the lies, folded with the ties

Carelessly caressing your jaw

In this corner a toothbrush, boxed in with the promises

Feeling like you’re stroking my skin

I pack away the time it took me to believe,

Giving me that sexy side eye.

Under the sweater that warmed my heart

Your lips moving, my heart clinging on every word.

I see the time it took you to deceive

I’m caught staring at their soft curve

In the threads of your favourite shirt

Almost imagine their smooth feel

All the traces of our love, neatly folded

But those lips deliver fatal blows;

All that was us, heaped in a stack

Said with lightness, it’s like a summer breeze.

Packed tightly, like all your sleaze

Your attitude is cool, like we’re talking the weather.

Shed off the baggage, it’s time to fly